| was 25 years old, I moved out into the country in | | | | support. I also know every human being responds |
| Connecticut and built my own house on 55 acres | | | | unfavorably to words of criticism. When people |
| of land. For the times (it was 1976), the house I | | | | came to my office for help with their failing |
| built was considered outrageous. It was passive | | | | marriage the first thing I did was get them to |
| solar with a wood burning furnace as the backup. | | | | agree to stop hurting each other. Most people had |
| There were no windows on the north side of the | | | | no idea that they were throwing out hurtful barbs |
| house, while the south side was basically all triple | | | | to their spouse. They had become so used to |
| pane glass. I even built a greenhouse that served | | | | treating each other disrespectfully that my |
| as our dining room. Believe me when I tell you | | | | insistence on ending the attacks was often met |
| rural Connecticut in 1976 was not ready for a | | | | with disbelief. But it didn't take long before one or |
| passive solar house. | | | | the other would say something they thought was |
| We were the talk of the town. But I had | | | | just an innocent statement, but was in reality a |
| tremendous confidence in the concepts I | | | | painful dig. Even when I busted somebody, they |
| employed in the construction, even though they | | | | thought I was joking until I asked the spouse, "did |
| were cutting edge. As it turned out my, | | | | it hurt?" and of course it did. |
| confidence was well placed. During the winters it | | | | Here are two ways to improve a relationship: |
| only took two cords of wood to back up the | | | | Consciously stop every attack before it gets out |
| heat given us by the sun and stored by massive | | | | of your mouth Consciously say sweet and |
| amounts of concrete. The laws of physics which | | | | wonderful things to your spouse |
| were used to design the house as efficiently as it | | | | The relationship you have is dynamic, that is to |
| was, worked. It came down to the fact that I | | | | say it is constantly moving and changing. Think of |
| trusted the laws of physics even though they | | | | it like a river that carries away anything you put |
| were not tested in many of the applications I | | | | into it. As soon as you stop polluting, dumping |
| utilized. I knew gravity worked equally for a stone | | | | nasty stuff into the river, it becomes cleaner with |
| or a feather. The physics of building a passive | | | | each passing moment. If you stop polluting your |
| solar home were known. I just used the rules in | | | | relationship, it will improve immediately and if you |
| ways that had not been done before. | | | | start putting sweet things into your relationship it |
| Similarly, I know the "physics" of relationships also | | | | will improve exponentially. And by all means |
| work regardless of a particular set of | | | | remember to tell the person you love, "I love |
| circumstances. I know for instance, every human | | | | you. |
| being responds kindly to words of love and | | | | |